Depression
Depression, you could say has been a recurring event in my life, wherein during even child-hood was a part of me that experienced myself as, 'lonely,' or ,'detached,' from every aspect of my life: externally/internally, for every person/situation I faced seemed, 'empty,' from a certain perspective. Yes, depression became a part of myself that I didn't even know was there, because of the accustomation that I participated in, through/as myself walking through life, like some zombie, because I believed/deceived myself that I deserved to actually not enjoy or live my life.
Deserving is a funny thing, because you literally get served from the death of yourself, by/through allowing oneself to become the very manifestation of the mind, wherein - not looking at myself in, 'gentle brutality,' but becoming a mere machine to serve the matrix, within me. Yes, de-serving is something of deception, by looking at ourselves in complete self-judgment of beleiving/deceiving ourselves, that one must, 'deserve this,' or 'deserve that,' when its not actually being understood, from a practical-perspective, of seeing/realizing/understanding that when one is looking at the dynamics of, 'deserving,' I'm also looking at the dynamics of, 'atrocities,' by/through one is allowing that one must, 'have something,' in order to do something, which is a mere game of polarity.
Literally, I would walk through life and when there would some form of enjoyment, then I would tell myself, 'You don't deserve to be happy.' Of course, at the time I didn't understand the fuck up of, 'happiness,' but there was no actual, 'authentic self-expression.' There were moments in my child-hood, wherein there was some forms of enjoyment, but I remember it to be mostly, 'empty,' and full of, 'void.' Its hard to move through all the memories, when there is mainly nothing that I see or remember, because every memory consisted of the same thing, over and over, again. What was this memory? I don't recall there ever being any specific memory, but everything of my life seems jumbled up into consistent moments of waiting for everything to end, thus, depression came into the mix. Depression has been here for awhile because I cannot fathom any actual meaning in anything, wherein I wasn't actually allowing myself to have any meaning, whatsoever. Mostly, depression was connected to fear of not being able to express myself, 'fully,' because of the limitations that I projected towards my self-expression, from the fear of what people were thinking of me.
It's funny how we can live our lives in complete, 'emptiness,' or a, 'void,' because of mere judgement, when its not actually being realized and see and understood, from a practical perspective, 'Maybe, I'm causing this judgment because its self-created and anything made up of the mind is separation.' No, that was a bit too confusing for myself at the time, because I was always told from others that God had to forgive us, in order to actually see something from a practical-perspective, or that God has to miraculously give his children, 'the wonderful shead of light,' wherein I'm not actually self-directing myself, but waiting/wasting time to look for a, 'savior,' that will come and help me from everything, and while the rest of the world are suffering,
So, this is all connected to 'depression,' and one could say, 'apathy,' from detaching myself from my world/reality because of not having to take self-responsbility for myself, as myself, but continously going into time-loops, wherein - nothing is actually being practically understood and self-realize for what is best for all, because what is best for me is also what is best for all.
Word: Depression
Associations: Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face. Walking like a zombie. Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself. Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy. Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility.
Energetic signature to, ''depression,' is negative.
SF on Charge of the word, Depression
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/negative'/'bad.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/'negative'/'bad.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/'negative'/'bad.'
Associations
Thought: 'You don't deserve to be happy.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the thought,'You don't deserve to be happy,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have separated myself from the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowe myself to separate myself from, 'Experiencing myself as, lonely, or,'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Experiencing myself as, 'lonely,' or 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face, within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Walking like a zombie
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Walking like a zombie,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Walking like a zombie,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Walking like a zombie,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Walking like a zombie,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from,' Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining,'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Haven
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Haven,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Haven.' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Haven,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Haven,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
1. Gathering Information
A. Establishing self's allocation point, Within the point of depression I have used/abused depression through self-creating it as some form of, 'haven,' where I don't have to take self-responsbility for my word/reality because of wanting/needing/desiring to mind-project victimization/blame towards outside-sources, wherein I'm not standing up for life at all, but looking at backdoors within my mind, so, I can feel, 'safe,' and, 'comfortable.'
B. Dictionary Definiton-Depression-condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
C. Sounding the word: dih-presh-uhn, de-press-i-on
The prefix 'de-' means to do the opposite of, or to remove, or to reduce. Wherein, looking at the word, 'depression,' it really makes since what is practically being established. Doing the opposite of pressing on the, 'i,' which is self, meaning the creator of my world/reality, 'on,' means taking action in my world/reality.
This can also be looked at from a different perspective, 'de', and, 'on,' are opposites within being the creator of my, 'i', world/reality, wherein I need to decide which polar-opposite is going to win me over in the mind, without just being HERE within the physical breathing within myself.
The, 'press,' can be looked at from a negative aspect wherein I'm being governed by polar-opposites and everything is pressing on myself to finally make a decision, like I'm suffocating from choice around myself.
DEPRESSION
D-Represents going round in circles, through looking at the shape-forming and never coming to an actual decision.
E-E can be looked at from the perspective of going down a long path and you finally have these doors that open up, but here are three doors opening and you don't know which choice to make.
P-P can be looked at going through a circle and finally reaching one choice and one decision for, 'I,' being the Creator.
R-Relationship/Unite formed through depression, from not actually taking self-responsibility.
S-S is a very cool word from looking at the shape-forming of the letter, wherein you are being traveled down by a curvy path, there are some bumps down the way, but you reach the end eventually.
I-Implying, 'I,' being the Creator of my Life.
O-Going round-in round in circles and never going to an actual decision!
N-This letter when I look at it is usually revolving around through choice, since we're looking at the word, 'depression,' what I see is the words, 'NO,' within, 'ON,' bringing us to actually forming a response and coming to an actual decision.
Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)? Yes.
3. New Definition
A. Creative Writing- Depression, Depression is a very interesting word because its mostly looked at from a negative aspect, but depression can be a key flag-point for self, by actually looking at self and saying that I'm not actually self-willing myself to come to a decision in my world/reality, by/through being true to oneself and not participating in victimization/blame and actually being the, 'I,' The Creator of my world/reality.
So, when I'm participating in victimization/blame I can see/realize/understand that I'm merging myself in, 'depression,' wherein I don't want to come to a decision/choice for my world/reality, for being the Creator of my Life.
Also, I need to look at the associations and make sure that if these points come up I'll need to look at this in self-honesty and see/realize/understand if there is any participation in depression, through/as not wanting/needing/desiring to come to a decision and be the self-directive principle of my world/reality.
B. Writing the Definition-Depression-The act of lowering something or pressing something down. Again, this brings us back to the sounding of the word, 'depression,' de-press-i-on, wherein I'm pressing for myself to come to a decision/choice/solution that will actually stand, The Test Of Time. No longer suffocating from a decision/choice/solution, but allowing myself to be the Creator of my Life.
4. Checking the Definition
a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: No
b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: Yes.
c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: Yes.
No comments:
Post a Comment