Saturday, March 31, 2012

Depression, SRA 1, Lesson 5

Depression

Depression, you could say has been a recurring event in my life, wherein during even child-hood was a part of me that experienced myself as, 'lonely,' or ,'detached,' from every aspect of my life: externally/internally, for every person/situation I faced seemed, 'empty,' from a certain perspective. Yes, depression became a part of myself that I didn't even know was there, because of the accustomation that I participated in, through/as myself walking through life, like some zombie, because I believed/deceived myself that I deserved to actually not enjoy or live my life.
Deserving is a funny thing, because you literally get served from the death of yourself, by/through allowing oneself to become the very manifestation of the mind, wherein - not looking at myself in, 'gentle brutality,' but becoming a mere machine to serve the matrix, within me. Yes, de-serving is something of deception, by looking at ourselves in complete self-judgment of beleiving/deceiving ourselves, that one must, 'deserve this,' or 'deserve that,' when its not actually being understood, from a practical-perspective, of seeing/realizing/understanding that when one is looking at the dynamics of, 'deserving,' I'm also looking at the dynamics of, 'atrocities,' by/through one is allowing that one must, 'have something,' in order to do something, which is a mere game of polarity.
Literally, I would walk through life and when there would some form of enjoyment, then I would tell myself, 'You don't deserve to be happy.' Of course, at the time I didn't understand the fuck up of, 'happiness,' but there was no actual, 'authentic self-expression.' There were moments in my child-hood, wherein there was some forms of enjoyment, but I remember it to be mostly, 'empty,' and full of, 'void.' Its hard to move through all the memories, when there is mainly nothing that I see or remember, because every memory consisted of the same thing, over and over, again. What was this memory? I don't recall there ever being any specific memory, but everything of my life seems jumbled up into consistent moments of waiting for everything to end, thus, depression came into the mix.  Depression has been here for awhile because I cannot fathom any actual meaning in anything, wherein I wasn't actually allowing myself to have any meaning, whatsoever. Mostly, depression was connected to fear of not being able to express myself, 'fully,' because of the limitations that I projected towards my self-expression, from the fear of what people were thinking of me.
It's funny how we can live our lives in complete, 'emptiness,' or a, 'void,' because of mere judgement, when its not actually being realized and see and understood, from a practical perspective, 'Maybe, I'm causing this judgment because its self-created and anything made up of the mind is separation.' No, that was a bit too confusing for myself at the time, because I was always told from others that God had to forgive us, in order to actually see something from a practical-perspective, or that God has to miraculously give his children, 'the wonderful shead of light,' wherein I'm not actually self-directing myself, but waiting/wasting time to look for a, 'savior,' that will come and help me from everything, and while the rest of the world are suffering,
So, this is all connected to 'depression,' and one could say, 'apathy,' from detaching myself from my world/reality because of not having to take self-responsbility for myself, as myself, but continously going into time-loops, wherein - nothing is actually being practically understood and self-realize for what is best for all, because what is best for me is also what is best for all.
Word: Depression
Associations: Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face. Walking like a zombie.  Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself.  Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy. Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility.
Energetic signature to, ''depression,' is negative.
SF on Charge of the word, Depression
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/negative'/'bad.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/'negative'/'bad.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, 'depression,' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word, 'depression,' as 'wrong'/'negative'/'bad.'
Associations
Thought: 'You don't deserve to be happy.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the thought,'You don't deserve to be happy,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have separated myself from the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining the thought, 'You don't deserve to be happy,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or, 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Experiencing myself as 'lonely,' or 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowe myself to separate myself from, 'Experiencing myself as, lonely, or,'detached,' to every person/situation that I face,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Experiencing myself as, 'lonely,' or 'detached,' to every person/situation that I face, within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Walking like a zombie
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Walking like a zombie,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Walking like a zombie,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Walking like a zombie,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Walking like a zombie,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Believing/Deceiving myself that I don't deserve to be enjoying myself,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from,' Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining,'Wanting/needing/desiring to be happy,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Detaching myself from reality, so, I don't have to take self-responsibility,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
Haven
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, 'Haven,' to the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, 'Haven.' within the word, 'depression.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, 'Haven,' and from the word, 'depression,' through defining, 'Haven,' within the word, 'depression,' in separation of myself.
1. Gathering Information
A. Establishing self's allocation point, Within the point of depression I have used/abused depression through self-creating it as some form of, 'haven,' where I don't have to take self-responsbility for my word/reality because of wanting/needing/desiring to mind-project victimization/blame towards outside-sources, wherein I'm not standing up for life at all, but looking at backdoors within my mind, so, I can feel, 'safe,' and, 'comfortable.'
B. Dictionary Definiton-Depression-condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
C. Sounding the word: dih-presh-uhn, de-press-i-on
The prefix 'de-' means to do the opposite of, or to remove, or to reduce. Wherein, looking at the word, 'depression,' it really makes since what is practically being established. Doing the opposite of pressing on the, 'i,' which is self, meaning the creator of my world/reality, 'on,' means taking action in my world/reality.
This can also be looked at from a different perspective, 'de', and, 'on,' are opposites within being the creator of my, 'i', world/reality, wherein I need to decide which polar-opposite is going to win me over in the mind, without just being HERE within the physical breathing within myself.
The, 'press,' can be looked at from a negative aspect wherein I'm being governed by polar-opposites and everything is pressing on myself to finally make a decision, like I'm suffocating from choice around myself.
DEPRESSION
D-Represents going round in circles, through looking at the shape-forming and never coming to an actual decision.
E-E can be looked at from the perspective of going down a long path and you finally have these doors that open up, but here are three doors opening and you don't know which choice to make.
P-P can be looked at going through a circle and finally reaching one choice and one decision for, 'I,' being the Creator.
R-Relationship/Unite formed through depression, from not actually taking self-responsibility.
S-S is a very cool word from looking at the shape-forming of the letter, wherein you are being traveled down by a curvy path, there are some bumps down the way, but you reach the end eventually.
I-Implying, 'I,' being the Creator of my Life.
O-Going round-in round in circles and never going to an actual decision!
N-This letter when I look at it is usually revolving around through choice, since we're looking at the word, 'depression,' what I see is the words, 'NO,' within, 'ON,' bringing us to actually forming a response and coming to an actual decision.
Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)? Yes.

3. New Definition


 A. Creative Writing- Depression, Depression is a very interesting word because its mostly looked at from a negative aspect, but depression can be a key flag-point for self, by actually looking at self and  saying that I'm not actually self-willing myself to come to a decision in my world/reality, by/through being true to oneself and not participating in victimization/blame and actually being the, 'I,' The Creator of my world/reality.

So, when I'm participating in victimization/blame I can see/realize/understand that I'm merging myself in, 'depression,' wherein I don't want to come to a decision/choice for my world/reality, for being the Creator of my Life.

Also, I need to look at the associations and make sure that if these points come up I'll need to look at this in self-honesty and see/realize/understand if there is any participation in depression, through/as not wanting/needing/desiring to come to a decision and be the self-directive principle of my world/reality.

B. Writing the Definition-Depression-The act of lowering something or pressing something down. Again, this brings us back to the sounding of the word, 'depression,' de-press-i-on, wherein I'm pressing for myself to come to a decision/choice/solution that will actually stand, The Test Of Time. No longer suffocating from a decision/choice/solution, but allowing myself to be the Creator of my Life.

4. Checking the Definition

a.   Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: No

b.   Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: Yes.

c.   Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: Yes.




Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Mind vs. Self-expression


Point: Justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind.

 Emotions: Denial through not wanting to see/realize that I'm in actuality participating in the mind by creating justifications that I'm already here in breathe. Having energetic reactions of denial through not wanting to see/realize what I have actually accepted/allowed through mind-projection manifestations that I created through my own acceptance/allowance in relation what is actually here in the physical for what is best for all. Accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind by creating defense mechanisms of fear for not wanting to see/realize what I have created through self-definitions that I have accepted/allowed within experiencing myself less than fear, less than all the manifestations of this world through accepting/allowing inferiority through creating this: "Pyramid Scheme" of importance.

 Feelings: Having experiences of feelings that I'm depicting as warmth that I'm experiencing in the center of my chest when being here in the moment that I'm justifying as a real experience of self-expression within denial that I'm not wanting to see/realize within one moment of breathe that I lost. Justifying the participation of the mind by participating in energetic reactions of entertainment/distraction by putting movie/mind-projections in my mind that I'm reacting within through feeling satisfied like a walking/talking television through claiming holographic simulations as real experiences of self, as self.

1.2.2 Words: Less than. Inferior. Lack of self-worth. Lack of direction through comparison of others in relation to the ego. Within the participation of looking at this mind-construct within and as words the origin is all about lack of self-worth by feeling/experiencing/identifying/defining/justifying through experiencing myself as less than those around me through identification and having lack of self-worth through comparison in relation to the ego through energetic transference that I'm depicting as a real experience of self.

 Pictures that are formed within the point of justifying self as here within a moment of breathe I lost in relation to feeling inferior within comparison of others are comprised mostly of pictures of other people and never of myself by this mind-projection of placing these pictures of how someone suppose to be within self-presentation within experiencing comparison through others by influence.

Memory is of sitting on a bench in school in elementary school and experiencing myself as someone that is incapable of human interaction for comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else, thus being influenced through this presentation of pictures by believing that someone suppose to express themselves a certain way in this world.

Looking at the thought in practical application for supporting self:

 Trigger Point:
This thought is stimulated because this is more or less one of the most extensive energetic means for the mind in order to have some source for maintaining the participation's within the mind. Plus, most of the time I'm alone in the first place and that triggers some past-experiences of experiencing myself as inferior by claiming that one suppose to be represent this certain demeanor in order for expressing oneself. So within the point of justifying the participation of the mind I'm in actuality experiencing myself as less than in order to change which is against the starting point of oneness and equality for what is best for all.

 Type of Thought: Experiencing myself as inferior within having no self-worth within comparison of those around my through claiming one most present expression a certain way in order to maintain themselves in this world for not experiencing an emotion of lack of self-worth.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought of justification through perceiving/claiming/defining/thinking/judging/assuming myself as inferior and than justify the participation's of the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the participation of the persistence of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depict that I lost a moment of breathe by accepting/allowing the participation of the persistence of the mind through justification by experiencing myself as inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought of justification through perceiving/claiming/defining/thinking/judging/assuming myself as inferior and not seeing/realizing that through participating in the mind-construct of inferior I'm also participating in superior, thus creating a polarity manifestation within separation of self for what is best for the mind within self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought of justification through perceiving/claiming/defining/thinking/judging/assuming myself as inferior and not seeing/realizing within that moment that I'm separating self from self, as self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought of justification through perceiving/claiming/defining/thinking/judging/assuming myself as inferior and not seeing/realizing within that moment that I'm separating self from self, as self, by actually defining myself as an individual person and isn't equal to anyone else within oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself as less to such an extent where I'm experiencing myself as inferior in relation to self-sabotage through self-process by comparison of those around me that I'm accepting/allowing as confirmations and validations as real self-definitions of self, as self.


I forgive myself for accepting/allowing myself to participate in a though that was/is: past-experiences that I'm identifying as real through the reaction that I'm already identifying as real through my own given confirmation/validation within that point of having no self-worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self as less through having no self-worth within influence that I'm participating in through identifying others perceptions as confirmation/validations as self-definitions of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as less than through the influence of participating within identifying others as confirmation/validations as self-definitions of self and than let those confirmations/validations self-sabotage process by remaining here consistent within breathe by participating in the persistence of the mind that I'm identifying as real through justification within moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage process within self-forgiveness and self-honesty by not remaining here consistent within breathe by participating in the persistence of the mind that I'm identifying as real through justification within moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value a moment of breathe through the value that I'm projecting onto the moment by justifying when participating in the mind is acceptable within a moment that I'm taking for granted within self-interest for what is best for the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value a moment of breathe through the value that I'm projecting onto the moment by justifying when participating in the mind by what self is facing through the extensive amount of self is facing within the fear that is placed within that particular moment.

I forgive myself for accepting/allowing myself for sustaining the most extensive energetic means for the mind in order to have some source for maintaining the participation's within the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self to maintain a mind-construct in relation to experiencing fear of change for re-birthing self in the physical for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage process through maintaining a mind-construct in relation to experiencing fear of change for re-birthing self in the physical for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting/allowing myself to triggers some past-experiences of experiencing myself as inferior by claiming that one suppose to be represent this certain demeanor in order for expressing oneself when being in the presence of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for justifying the participation of the mind I'm in actuality experiencing myself as less than in order to change which is against the starting point of oneness and equality for what is best for all.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for experiencing myself as inferior within having no self-worth within comparison of those around my through claiming one most present expression a certain way in order to maintain themselves in this world for not experiencing an emotion of lack of self-worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is a certain form of expressing oneself when that would imply limitation of self in relation to the contradictory means of oneness and equality within self-expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place mind-projection ideas onto outside-forces through influence of self-expression by confirmation/validation that I'm placing onto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self-expression and integration based on information for what is acceptable in relation to influence is actual self-expression and express no means of difference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing and allowing myself to integrate expression within the mind based on information for what is acceptable in relation to influence is actual self-expression and express no means of difference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to integrate expression within the mind based on information for what is acceptable in relation to influence is actual self-expression and expression no means of difference, thus become this idea of expression for acceptance of others within fear of expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear unconditional self-expression within the fears of ridicule that I'm confirming/validating as real self-definitions of self, as self.


Emotions: Denial through not wanting to see/realize that I'm in actuality participating in the mind by creating justifications that I'm already here in breathe. Having energetic reactions of denial through not wanting to see/realize what I have actually accepted/allowed through mind-projection manifestations that I created through my own acceptance/allowance in relation what is actually here in the physical for what is best for all. Accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind by creating defense mechanisms of fear for not wanting to see/realize what I have created through self-definitions that I have accepted/allowed within experiencing myself less than fear, less than all the manifestations of this world through accepting/allowing inferiority through creating this: "Pyramid Scheme" of importance.

 Having experiences of feelings that I'm depicting as warmth that I'm experiencing in the center of my chest when being here in the moment that I'm justifying as a real experience of self-expression within denial that I'm not wanting to see/realize within one moment of breathe that I lost. Justifying the participation of the mind by participating in energetic reactions of entertainment/distraction by putting movie/mind-projections in my mind that I'm reacting within through feeling satisfied like a walking/talking television through claiming holographic simulations as real experiences of self, as self.


Specific shade of self-sabotage within participating in justifications through denial that I'm accepting/allowing are means of subtle inferiority that I'm using as a self-definition of self. Also the feeling reaction of warmth that I'm experiencing in the center of my chest is a self-reflection of attachments towards happiness and beauty within not wanting/realizing that what is here in the physical are self-reflections that I'm equally responsible for and merely wanting to attach myself to imaginations of peace that doesn't exist at this moment.


The reaction feeling that I'm participating in through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest is a defense mechanism for marveling in ignorance of not see/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind. Also claiming there are matters of happiness and beauty for not wanting to self-realize that I must change myself within this process of self-realization, thus creating ideas of hope are the forms of holding onto attachments of death within consciousness for not see/realizing that I'm self-responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality. Emotional reaction of denial is participating in lack of self-worth through having to face self for what is here and creating justifications of feeling through beauty and happiness of defense mechanisms of not wanting to realize, self-realization.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in denial through not wanting to see/realize that I'm in actuality participating in the mind by creating justifications that I'm already here in breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create justification so I don't have to remain here in breathe, but in the sedation of the mind where nothing is realized.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create defense mechanisms where I participate in denial through not wanting to see/realize that I'm in actuality participating in the mind by creating justifications that I'm already here in breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having energetic reactions of denial through not wanting to see/realize what I have actually accepted/allowed through mind-projection manifestations that I created through my own acceptance/allowance in relation what is actually here in the physical for what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind by creating defense mechanisms of fear for not wanting to see/realize what I have created through self-definitions that I have accepted/allowed within experiencing myself less than fear, less than all the manifestations of this world through accepting/allowing inferiority through creating this: "Pyramid Scheme" of importance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create forms of separation by creating self-definitions that I have accepted/allowed within experiencing myself less than fear, less than all the manifestations of this world through accepting/allowing inferiority through creating this: "Pyramid Scheme" of importance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having experiences of feelings that I'm depicting as warmth that I'm experiencing in the center of my chest when being here in the moment that I'm justifying as a real experience of self-expression within denial that I'm not wanting to see/realize within one moment of breathe that I lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying moment as a real experience of self-expression within denial that I'm not wanting to see/realize within one moment of breathe that I lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the participation of the mind by participating in energetic reactions of entertainment/distraction by putting movie/mind-projections in my mind that I'm reacting within through feeling satisfied like a walking/talking television through claiming holographic simulations as real experiences of self, as self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting within through feeling satisfied like a walking/talking television through claiming holographic simulations as real experiences of self, as self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the participation of the mind by participating in energetic reactions of entertainment/distraction by putting movie/mind-projections in my mind that I'm reacting within through feeling satisfied like a walking/talking television.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest is a defense mechanism for marveling in ignorance of not seeing/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating pretty pictures of escaping what is here in the physical by experiencing myself as warmth in my chest in relation to marveling in ignorance for not seeing/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity manifestations within "beauty" and "ugly" within relation to marveling in ignorance for not see/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity manifestations within "happiness" and "sadness" within relation to marveling in ignorance for not seeing/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity manifestations within relation to marveling in ignorance for not seeing/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for claiming there are matters of happiness and beauty for not wanting to self-realize that I must change myself within this process of self-realization, thus creating ideas of hope are the forms of holding onto attachments of death within consciousness for not see/realizing that I'm self-responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing self within this process of self-realization, thus creating ideas of hope through holding onto attachments of death within consciousness for not seeing/realizing that I'm self-responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in emotional reactions of denial in relation through participating in lack of self-worth through having to face self for what is here and creating justifications of feeling through beauty and happiness of defense mechanisms of not wanting to realize, self-realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not see/realizing that I'm responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all with the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have preconceptions and self-definitions of the word inferior, thus allowing collections of pictures/ideas to pop up when writing this word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have preconceptions and self-definitions of words, thus allowing collections of pictures/ideas to pop up when writing a word. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not stating words equal to me and have self-awareness for what I'm actually saying. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not use words as the living word, but means of separation for supporting consciousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to formulate lack of direction through comparison of others in relation to the ego within one word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not self-realizing participation of looking at this mind-construct within and as words the origin is all about lack of self-worth by feeling/experiencing/identifying/defining/justifying through experiencing myself as less than those around me through identification and having lack of self-worth through comparison in relation to the ego through energetic transference that I'm depicting as a real experience of self.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word inferiority to pictures of slaves and people that are working for such low rates=Industrial Revolution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from pictures of slaves and people that are working for such low rates=Industrial Revolution through defining inferiority within pictures of slaves and people that are working for such low rates=Industrial Revolution in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from not intelligent through preconceptions that one must be a certain way in order to have this certain stature through society through defining inferiority within being intelligent through preconceptions that one must be a certain way in order to have this certain stature through society in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to less than through defining inferiority with connecting the word inferiority to less than in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to alone through defining inferiority with connecting the word inferiority to alone in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to being incapable of communication through defining inferiority with connecting the word inferiority to being incapable of communication in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to separation through defining inferiority with connecting the word inferiority to separation in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to government through defining inferiority with connecting the word inferiority to government in separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to division through defining division with connecting the word inferiority to division in separation of self.
I forgive myself from accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to dictatorship through defining dictatorship with connecting the word inferiority to dictatorship in separation of self.
I forgive myself from accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to monarchy through defining monarchy with connecting the word inferiority to monarchy in separation of self.
I forgive myself from accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word inferiority and from connecting the word inferiority to royalty through defining royalty with connecting the word inferiority to royalty in separation of self.


The reaction feeling that I'm participating in through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest is a defense mechanism for marveling in ignorance of not see/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind. Also claiming there are matters of happiness and beauty for not wanting to self-realize that I must change myself within this process of self-realization, thus creating ideas of hope are the forms of holding onto attachments of death within consciousness for not see/realizing that I'm self-responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality. Emotional reaction of denial is participating in lack of self-worth through having to face self for what is here and creating justifications of feeling through beauty and happiness of defense mechanisms of not wanting to realize, self-realization.
Drawing/writing out a picture-representation:
Me looking at pictures of nature through ignorance of not seeing/realizing what's behind these pictures that I'm justifying within my participation of mind-projecting ideas of apparent rationalization onto nature that I'm judging through classification from the pictures that I'm seeing through the mind as consciousness.
Looking around through walking in reverse for not actually seeing what I'm seeing in actuality and being surrounded through ignorance of judging what I'm experiencing. The surroundings is a fair on a hill where everything is quiet.


This picture represents how I use pictures through imagination for not wanting to see/realize what is here in the physical and not consciousness, thus participating in the mind is where justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest is a defense mechanism for marveling in ignorance of not see/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not see/realizing that I'm justifying a moment of participating in the mind through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest by creating a defense mechanism within marveling in ignorance.
I forgive myself from accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from justifying a moment of participating in the mind through experiencing myself as warmth in my chest by creating a defense mechanism within marveling in ignorance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for claiming there are matters of happiness and beauty for not wanting to self-realize that I must change myself within this process of self-realization, thus creating ideas of hope are the forms of holding onto attachments of death within consciousness for not see/realizing that I'm self-responsible for the physical manifestations here in real time for what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating an emotional reaction of denial is participating in lack of self-worth through having to face self for what is here and creating justifications of feeling through beauty and happiness of defense mechanisms of not wanting to realize, self-realization.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for looking at pictures of nature through ignorance of not seeing/realizing what's behind these pictures that I'm justifying within my participation of mind-projecting ideas of apparent rationalization onto nature that I'm judging through classification from the pictures that I'm seeing through the mind as consciousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for looking around through walking in reverse for not actually seeing what I'm seeing in actuality and being surrounded through ignorance of judging what I'm experiencing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in pictures through imagination for not wanting to see/realize what is here in the physical and not consciousness, thus participating in the mind is where justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating defense mechanisms through imagination for not wanting to see/realize what I'm creating through accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in pictures through justification within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in pictures through energetic transference of the mind through pictures of accepting/allowing the participation for not wanting to see/realize what is here in the physical and not consciousness, thus participating in the mind is where justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in pictures through the mind within justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to pictures through imagination for not wanting to see/realize what is here in the physical and not consciousness, thus participating in the mind is where justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to creating defense mechanisms through imagination for not wanting to see/realize what I'm creating through accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to participating in pictures through justification within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to participating in pictures through energetic transference of the mind through pictures of accepting/allowing the participation for not wanting to see/realize what is here in the physical and not consciousness, thus participating in the mind is where justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to participating in pictures through the mind within justification is acceptable within the mind perception that I'm creating for accepting/allowing energetic transference of the mind.


Memory is of sitting on a bench in school in elementary school and experiencing myself as someone that is incapable of human interaction for comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else, thus being influenced through this presentation of pictures by believing that someone suppose to express themselves a certain way in this world.


Point: Being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else.


The apparent importance within this memory is holding onto self-definitions of the past that I have always been identified through classification of being a mute that is incompetent of communicating with others.

          
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through separation by being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self by defining myself through separation by being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking experience of influence within being gullible seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in apparent importance within this memory is holding onto self-definitions of the past that I have always been identified through classification of being a mute that is incompetent of communicating with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto self-definitions of being mute in relation to being incompetent of communicating with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold classifications of identifications as self-definitions of the past of being incompetent with communicating with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self-definitions of memories of the past as attachments for holding onto the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the mind through self-definitions of memories of the past that I'm attached too.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to memories of self-definitions that I'm holding onto within the mind.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to importance within this memory is holding onto self-definitions of the past that I have always been identified through classification of being a mute that is incompetent of communicating with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to separate myself from being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to define myself through separation by being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to define myself through separation by being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to experience myself as inferior to everyone else through separation of self by defining myself through separation by being gullible through taking experiences of influence seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to taking experience of influence within being gullible seriously within comparing myself to others through self-expression by experiencing myself as inferior to everyone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to participate in apparent importance within this memory is holding onto self-definitions of the past that I have always been identified through classification of being a mute that is incompetent of communicating with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind for holding onto self-definitions of being mute in relation to being incompetent of communicating with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to hold classifications of identifications as self-definitions of the past of being incompetent with communicating with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to use self-definitions of memories of the past as attachments for holding onto the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to hold onto the mind through self-definitions of memories of the past that I'm attached too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect justifying participation's in the mind as real experiences of self-expression within one moment of breathe that I lost by accepting/allowing the persistence in the mind to be attached to memories of self-definitions that I'm holding onto within the mind.

SCHOOL


Today I have school and all the other days as well, though every time when its almost time for school I become nervous/anxious/stressed by this idea that I mind-projected towards going to school. As though this idea that I created of school has power over me because of believing that school is something that is superior to me through placing this idea that I’m inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school. When I go to school I imagine everyone staring at me and judging me and the teachers yelling at me because I’m apparently so inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school.

I see/realize that having this idea of the entire school construct is only belittling/self-diminishing myself, but I allow myself to continue participating in this time-loop of self-judgment because then I wouldn’t have to take self-responsibility for myself remaining HERE in every moment of breath. I’m allowing myself to let my nervousness/anxiousness/stress become the directive principle of myself, which is always the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become nervous/anxious/stressed by an idea that I mind-projected towards school.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to self-realize for myself that giving nervousness/anxiousness/stress power over myself is believing that school is something superior to me,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive/define that school is superior to me because of this idea that I’m inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine everyone staring at me and judging me and the teachers yelling at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine everyone starting at me and judging me because I’m apparently so inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine everyone staring at me and judging me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine people staring at me and judging me and reacting within nervousness/anxiousness/stress because apparently I’m so inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea of people staring at me and judging me when I know it only leads to belittling/self-diminishing myself to continue participating in the time-loop of self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the time-loop of self-judgment/facial expressions of people staring at me and judging me when I know its self-sabotage and self-defining people’s stares/body-language as something equal to myself of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self-sabotage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self-sabotage of people’s self-judgment/facial expressions of people staring at me and judging me.

I forgive for not allowing myself to self-realize for myself, rather than KNOW through knowledge/information that when people are apparently staring at me and judging me I allow myself to self-realize for myself that its all about self-defining myself one and equal to the mind of people’s self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self-defining myself by people’s stares/body-language/facial expressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine teachers yelling at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine teachers yelling at me and judging me and reacting within nervousness/anxiousness/stress because apparently I’m so inferior/stupid and don’t belong in school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an idea of teachers yelling at me and judging me when I know it only leads to belittling/self-diminishing myself to continue participating in the time-loop of self-judgment.

Procedure for Redefining a Word
SCHOOL
1. Gathering information
d. Establishing self’s allocation point-I have experienced anxiety/stress/anxiousness because I allow myself to believe/deceive myself that I’m too inferior/stupid to be in school. I allowed myself to be the receiver of the word SCHOOL through the mind because believing/deceiving myself that I cannot ‘bring my power back’. The definition I have given the word SCHOOL is a complete place where I cannot express myself unconditionally and not giving into the mind of emotions through anxiety/anxiousness/stress.

B. Dictionary Definition
school
1 [skool]
noun1.an institution where instruction is given, especially to persons under college age: The children are at school.
2.an institution for instruction in a particular skill or field.
3.a college or university.
4.a regular course of meetings of a teacher or teachers and students for instruction; program of instruction: summerschool.
5.a session of such a course: no school today; to be kept afterschool.

E. Sound the word- Sch-ool, skool, skool cool, skool hole, skool whole, cool hole, cool whole
2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered


Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as
information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or
‘bad’/’negative’)?


This can be determined by looking at:
A. Personal Experiences of the word SCHOOL- Within the word SCHOOL I’m not allowing myself to see/realize or understand that the experience I have to the word SCHOOL is separation of everyone around me as the WHOLE of school, instead reacting through fear that someone/something is going to harm me and I cannot do anything about it because I’m powerless to the emotions of anxiety/stress/anxiousness, by believing/deceiving myself that I’m separate from my emotions. Through sounding the word SCHOOL I see/realize and understand that I’m allowing myself to self-create a hole of the whole of allowing separation of self. 
B. How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/positive or ‘bad’/’ negative? Negative-because I’m allowing myself to have a negative charge to the word SCHOOL, by having this idea that school is a place where I don’t belong because apparently I’m too inferior/stupid to belong in the school. Obviously, belittling/self-diminishing myself because allowing myself to believe that I’m nothing and everyone else is everything, which is drastic separation of self.
C. What associations do you have with the word? Being in kindergarten, and the teacher making me say the ABC’s to the class when she knew that I didn’t know them at the time. Leading, towards her wanting to fail me and make me take kindergarten all over again. This represents myself being inferior/stupid in SCHOOL that I have self-defined, as myself.
Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Worse-experience is within fear of this word.

3. New Definition

A. SCHOOL, Creating Writing: SCHOOL in the future for an Equal Money System I can see/realize and understand won’t be based on knowledge/information and based on competition and inferiority/superiority and stupidity/intelligence, but an Education where we cannot learn about ourselves , as LIFE. And to establish oneness and equality where we can allow ourselves to see others as ourselves, by not allowing ourselves to let knowledge/information become some empty and something we have to live up to, but to actually live our words through oneness and equality, as the expression of LIFE. SCHOOL is part of the whole and so I allow myself to self-realize this by Equality & Oneness for what is best for ALL.
B. Writing the Definition: SCHOOL is a place where be can live our words as ourselves.

4. Checking the Definition:
A. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word? No.
B. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally? Yes.
C. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means? Yes.